the continuation

just like what i said yesterday i promised to write today..
i'm here outside since the WiFi connection is much stronger and there are a lot of people in our room again.. and also since our "land lady" knows about me having a laptop.. i am now free to show it.. ;p

it's kinda cold out here.. compared to our room which i would describe as hot like hell.. and then a friend would ask me.. have you already gone to hell? how can you say it's hot like hell.. i would answer him in a form of a joke like.. "hell yeah.. i actually came from there"

but the truth is.. i have been there.. a lot of times before..

well.. it's about feeling in hell..

hell is a place where you feel miserable.. very miserable..

some people would call earth as the living hell..

most of the times it's true..

but i have learned to be optimistic and appreciate even the smallest good thing here on earth..

anyways...

about yesterday..

there are some interesting things that happened..

i wrote about FORGIVENESS in our English 1 class..

they say.. to FORGIVE is to FORGET..

some said i am a very forgiving person..
i don't actually know..


maybe...


maybe because i don't want to live forever in hatred..

life is short.. as what they say..

i don't want to carry a very heavy burden as i journey..

it's just not worth it..

they are just not worth to cry about.. and babble about..

so.. just forgive and forget it..

though there are some things that are not easily forgotten..
but sometimes you have to..
not just to retain a good relationship with that person..
but also not to waste the good times..

for friends.. i take it as a test of friendship..

if he or she does the same mistake again..

not my problem..

but as the bible says..

forgive 70 times 7..

i am doing that.. :)

next interesting thing.. i went to the guidance office to have my duty as a SPF aspirant..

well..

no sweat at all.. all i have to do is to sit down and wait for orders..

easy eh?

hell yeah.. and i enjoyed chatting with the guys there..

it's a lot of fun..

maybe i'll be going back there tomorrow..
(thanks ate iris!) :)

last interesting thing that happened was staying outside the lecture hall after waiting for our math teacher to come..

we were there with a couple of classmates and a friend PATRICE who was also my classmate and the "boylet" Andrey..

they were discussing.. or giving an advice rather to one classmate who has "love problems"

(so this part is all about love thingy.. and now playing on my laptop is.. "a million miles away by nikki gil")

so let's name this classmate.. Michie wa having problems because she just broke up with her boyfriend.. for no reason at all.. she was asking advices from us.. she didn't cry and as though she was just ok with it..

weird huh?

our conversation came to a point describing guys.. and also girls in general.. in terms of attitude when it comes to situations like these..

i didn't talk that much.. all i did was listened to them.. sometimes i would joke around about the topic because they seemed so serious..

there are some things that i have learned..

most guys hate it when it's them that would break up with their girlfriends..

even if they have the reasons.. they would still wait for the girl to break up with them..

for me? it's like.. unfair..!!

it should be a confrontation process..

and both of you should talk it over..

and it's not that bad if the guy will start to talk about it..

it's just like.. the guy is fooling the girl..

when you guys think that you can't handle the relationship anymore..

tell the girls.. it's not about the pride of the girls..

it's about saving them from being so much hurt..

though it would still hurt.. but at least.. it would not hurt that much,.

and for the girls.. if this happens to you,.. evaluate yourself.. ask questions why and try to understand what really is happening.. ;p

next thing that i learned is that...

even if you have known someone like all your life.. and get into a nice relationship with that person.. there would still be a possibility of falling out of love with that person..

it's like.. waking up one day and you don't feel anything for that person anymore..
or the most correct statement is..

things aren't just the same anymore..

and hearing these things.. i have just realized so many things..

about my so-called LOVE LIFE..

well... this guy is just.. so nice.. i like him and he likes me too..

but...............................................

(now playing.. hear my heart by nikki gil)

he's attached.. and i cannot stand the fact that he cannot break up with his girlfriend because he couldn't find the right reasons..


BULLSHIT..

what does he call me?

may times i have doubted him.. and i know it hurt him a lot..

but he could never blame me..

but the good thing about him is that..

there wasn't a chance that he made me feel that i wasn't loved by him..

or i wasn't cared by him...

but it's just so painful that this is all we could ever be..

i promised to wait until i can..

but until when can i wait?

one thing that hurts me is that he never gave me that assurance that i am the one he is going to choose..

painful shit...

like in the song i am listening to right now..

"Let me know
Where all of my love should go
Why all the hurt and the pain and the tears
I can't show"

most of the times i think of letting all of these stop..

but can i?

could i?

i don't know...

he's just that all that..

i am...

scared.....

hurt.....

in pain.....

what am i to do?

if i ask some people i am sure they will tell me to stop it since it is wrong and just look for someone else..

sounds simple eh?

SHIT...


i'll end this with a hopeless romantic line from this bullshit song..

"Hear my heart
Crying in silence
It hurts so much
Trying to run from your smile, your touch
Waiting, pretending this game's a waste
Knowing you just can't be mine

Praying someday you'd be mine"