am i in love or am i just loving? part 2

oh no!! he read my blog!! the entry where i wrote something about him.. well.. i really don't know what's running through his mind right now.. i feel i have said something wrong.. something he shouldn't read.. well.. what he doesn't know is how my heart aches.. everytime he thinks that everything that had happened between us was wrong.. his feelings.. my feelings.. and everytime he wants to stay away, i would want to cry.. i didn't know what i did to deserve all of these.. but i guess maybe because i broke his heart.. mine was broken too.. do i really have to feel ten times more the pain..? when i broke things up he never even said that he don't want to break up.. tell me that whatever happens he will fight for what he feels.. am i not worth fighting for? maybe if he has done that i would change my mind.. it was a sign that he really is loving me that much and i have to do everything to return it.. but he never did.. he just agreed and told me that he couldn't do anything that would bring us back together.. but he was wrong.. he could've done something.. tried to stop me.. fought for the thing he wants the most.. but i guess he never did because he gives up that easily.. and now my heart is really broken.. torn into pieces.. million pieces.. he wants to completely forget about me.. and me? still loving him that same way i have loved him before.. what does that make me now? pathetic? pathetic enough to wait someone who will never come back and never wants again to have me back? the thing here is.. he never argued with me.. he just want to do what i want to do.. what am i going to do with that? there are times that i really want to cry.. like now while writing this blog.. but i think i am pathetic enough to still think he would do something and realize what he really wants.. if he really wants me, why didn't he fight for it? why didn't he tell me that he doesn't want to break it up and whatever my problem is we'll solve it together.. i was waiting for him to say that.. and i am a fool for right now i'm still waiting for him to say that.. but.. i guess i was wrong.. he will never say that.. he wants to completely forget me.. and i couldn't do anything about that.. all i ask is why.. why didn't he fight back.. stop me.. he just let me go.. he didn't hold for too long.. he just released his grip and did not stop me from leaving.. i was waiting.. and still waiting.. but i guess.. nothing would change what i have done.. breaking up with him.. I AM IN LOVE WITH HIM AND I STILL AM.. i hope he knows.. and i don't know when it will stop.. maybe today.. right now.. i will stop waiting.. stop thinking and hoping that one day he'll realize why he never hold on tight.. why he actually let me go.. and maybe.. like what i said in my previous entry.. i could have someone new.. but he will still have the most part of my heart.. but now.. i have to live with the thought that when he let me go.. he wasn't thinking of having me back.. because he never fought for what he really feels.. i was expecting he would say he doesn't want to break it up.. but he just let me go.. i know it was hard for him but it felt that he just let go so easily.. for once in my life i feel that i am not worthless.. but right now.. i feel that i have no value.. no value at all.. i'll get over it.. i know.. my heart is broken.. yes it really is.. but.. i'll make it through.. i'll hold on because of our friendship.. and not because i am truly in love with him.. if he wants to forget his feelings.. then i could too.. but it's not that i can't do it.. i just choose not to do it.. it's not that i can't live without him.. i can live without him.. i just choose not to.. :(