hopeless romantic me.. :(

i am now listening to some of my favorite love songs.. and then after watching "Coffee Prince" ( a korean show i just finished watching a while ago *see my previous post).. i then realized how boring my life is right now.. well i have this principle that i don't need to have a "special someone" to make my life happy.. but.. then.. i think.. maybe i am wrong.. but then.. i think again.. i could get it through.. then.. i read a friend's blog.. confessing on something about how she gave up on love.. wow.. it was deep as i could see it.. and then i thought.. she was certainly happy at one point.. and was sad in the end.. well.. i remembered how many failed relationships did i have from the past.. but still i never stop loving and wanting to love someone.. how weird of me.. i like hurting myself.. playing with my feelings.. well.. i am now going to share about the guys that made significant things in my life.. but since i was very open with names in my past posts, i will give my readers (if i have) the thrill of just putting "code names" in case they really happen to know that person..
My 1st Boyfriend... well.. it was my first year in high school (everybody knows about this).. and i didn't really have a lot of crushes.. but one guy caught my attention.. let's just call him the "Math Guy" since he always tutored me in math.. he was smart, kinda good looking, he is good in sports and is nice too.. well.. originally he didn't like me as much as i like him.. he liked someone else.. a friend of mine..but he ended courting me.. i didn't know what to say and how to say that i liked him too.. since it was my first time.. and then i told him i will tell my answer on the night of the socialization (since every quarter we have this socialization thing).. i asked some signs.. like if he wears a blue shirt on that night and if it wouldn't rain since it has been raining for days.. and when that night came.. i saw him.. looking good in a blue gray polo and it didn't rain.. so i said i wanted to be his girlfriend too.. but i wasn't a good girlfriend at all.. we never talk that much and barely communicate at all.. i don't want to go deep into details on how we broke up.. it was just one day.. everything was gone.. and we agreed to be just friends.. at least it ended well..
the 2nd guy was still from my 1st year in high school.. but it was almost summer.. let's call him "Mr. Poo Poo".. the story behind that name is just so petty so i won't bother to put it anymore.. i thought we would be together forever.. everything about us was just so wonderful.. we even planned the date of our wedding.. how cheesy could we get.. even the names of our future children.. but it had to end since my mom didn't like him at all.. i was so mad at him for not fighting for me.. and we never became friends for a year.. but after that.. i just wanted to loose all the grudge and anger and forgave him for what he did.. now he has his girlfriend (which is someone i know).. and i think he is now happy.. at that point.. that is what i call my experience on "puppy love"
the third guy was from my 2nd year in high school.. let's call him "Kap".. he's a good friend of my cousin.. he originally likes my best friend.. but ends up liking me.. i liked him too.. so when he courted me i answered him on his birthday.. i was so open about the relationship and i didn't think that we would be having problems.. but.. i ended up liking someone else during our relationship.. and i became unfaithful to "Kap" for one moment.. well, let's just call this other guy, "Ass" since he is just pain in the ass for sometime.. well, this guy is a friend of ours too.. he has is own girlfriend but we were really not friends with his girl.. and there was a time that "Kap" was away and we had a fight.. and "Ass" was there to comfort me.. well he's been a friend since then.. "Ass" also comforted me during my break up with "Math guy" and "Mr. Poo Poo".. he was always there for me.. and comforted me during my rough times.. and i didn't expect to like him very much.. we hanged out a lot.. and i was developing strong feelings for this ass.. so because i was feeling guilty about "Kap", i broke up with him and then he knew what that ass and i have done.. but secrets were revealed when we broke up.. it seems that "Kap" only courted me because i liked him first and his friends told him that it would be impossible for me to say "no".. i hated him because of that.. so after we broke up he tried to come back and court me again.. but i said no.. he asked me a couple of times but i just didn't have feelings for him anymore.. so he's gone.. we're friends.. and he's happy with his new girl..
about "Ass".. i thought everything about us was so real.. my family likes him.. he said he loves me.. he said he would give up everything for me.. and he would never leave me.. true enough one day.. he just left.. without even saying a word.. just left and never came back.. i was full of hope.. i was ready to face anything.. but he never came back.. it took me two years to recover.. at this point, i could say i had my first love.. and it took him two years to explain.. then he told me he felt coward.. and he didn't have the courage to face me again.. he had so many problems and all that bullshit.. but i can't do anything.. but to accept his explanation and his apology.. now we are friends.. and i got to know him better..
well.. it took me so long to like another person strongly.. it took me two years.. since i was really over "Ass" right now i thought i could like someone else.. well i was starting to like this someone.. let's call him, "Mr. PDA".. we made out.. heavy petting.. i mean.. i thought i was just doing it for fun.. but i ended up starting to like him.. but one day, he just ignored me and told me that since we are going our separate ways anyway, (we are going to different colleges), it's better not to talk about what happened and forget about it.. he didn't want to make more memories with me so that he won't be hurt that much.. all i can say is it's all bullshit.. i was starting to like him then and then he told me to move on.. what's there to move on to?! urgh! i hated him for a while.. but then i just let it pass and maybe he would get what he deserves someday..
and about the last guy.. hmm... i guess, i've written enough about him.. (*read my previous posts, "am i in love or just loving part 1 and part 2")..
*** bottom line of everything is.. i am now single.. and some guys tell me (like Mr. Poo Poo), that a gir like me should not be single for long.. i ask why.. they tell me i am just the "girlfriend material".. is there such thing?
well.. there are other guys who wants to court me.. but i think having a relationship right now is not really my priority.. but it really would be nice having a special someone.. it's not that i am tired of loving.. it's just i am tired of looking for it.. when opportunity comes i think about it first before i grab it.. i had to make sure that i really like that person.. and maybe.. i have standards.. but sometimes, what are standards for if you love someone already? standards can't really take me back from loving.. i don't even care.. as long as i am happy.. well.. maybe because i am so hopeless romantic, i would love to have a guy who would sing a song for me over the phone, hug me so tight for no reason at all, tell me he loves me more when i tell him that i love him, always want to hold my hand.. maybe i am just watching too much romantic films and shows.. but who doesn't want a guy like that..? i am never asking for a perfect guy.. i also want him to get mad, get jealous, and argue with me.. so that i could have some reasons to tease him and make him warm.. i hate guys who are perfect.. i just want to have a healthy and not so boring relationship.. i hate promises.. that's why i don't promise.. i do things.. and i keep my word.. i have learned so much from my past relationships that everytime i have a new one i want it to work.. but maybe right now is just not the time for it.. i don't have plans on committing myself right now.. i just want to enjoy what a single life will bring me.. single life doesn't really rock.. it sucks most of the time.. but we just have to deal with the things we have for right now.. maybe i don't care how cheesy a guy could be.. as long as he's the one for me.. (didn't that just rhyme?).. anyway.. it's fun to have someone on valentine's day.. but it's not valentine's day everyday.. it's just that.. i just want to explore on what life has to offer me.. and when i love or i like a guy.. it happens only once.. once we're through.. we're done.. i don't really believe in "love is lovelier the second time around" and i hate waiting.. it sucks! it's just a pain in the ass.. bottom line.. i would never be together with the guys i have mentioned above ever again.. 'coz when it's over.. it's totally over.. no turning back.. move on and find someone else.. :)