ami inl love or am i just loving?

it's been a rough month for me.. ever since then.. April is a month full of unexpected happenings and most of the days are full of tears.. i don't really know why it all happens during this month.. well to start off.. i am really confused right now.. if am i in love or i just loving someone.. you might ask.. aren't the two just the same.. well for me.. it's not..
well.. there's this guy.. and we've been friends ever since i do not know when.. i can't even remember when or how we became so close to each other.. we tell each other secrets.. i share with him all my heart aches and my problems.. he is my shoulder to lean on.. i treated him as my best friend.. and more like a brother.. he likes one of my friends, Jebien.. and all of the girls in our circle of friends know about it and we truly support him for liking Jebien since we also like him for her.. we were so close that is why it was so hard for me to graduate leaving him behind.. and other people too.. but.. one April evening he sent me a text message that he has to tell me something.. so i asked him what was the thing he wanted to tell me.. and the first message he sent said "can i court..".. i was confused.. so i sent back a message saying "who?" for i was thinking maybe he really now would want to court my friend and ask me for some advice.. but i was so shocked when i read his reply.. it said.. "no.. you".. i didn't know what exactly was going on.. i wasn't expecting he would say that to me.. after all these years.. and then he told me everything.. he liked me not as a sister like what i was thinking.. he liked me.. romantically.. i didn't know what to tell him.. or do.. but i really like him.. i just don't know if i also like him the way he likes me.. but the next day.. i said yes.. i wanted him to be my boyfriend.. but then i realized.. i don't want any commitment.. and i missed the person i was with the past years.. and then i told him.. i know i broke his heart.. and mine was broken too.. but i had to do it.. so i would be fair.. i never wanted to lose our friendship.. then days went by.. i started realizing.. i am missing his company so badly.. and when i read his messages to me before (since i have saved some of those in my cellphone).. tears run down my face.. and i couldn't contain the sadness i feel.. now.. i am really confused.. if i am in love with him.. or am i just loving him.. and then there was a quote that caught my attention as i was browsing some blogs..

"the saddest love is to love someone, to know that they still want you but the circumstances don't let you have them"

i totally agree with this quote.. and then i realized.. the love that i have for him is the saddest love of all.. he may have someone new right now.. but maybe.. just maybe.. in his heart.. i will be still the one he would truly love.. because for me.. even if i would have someone new.. he would still have the most part of my heart.. maybe in due time.. i would try to get over this and i would find someone new..it may be painful that even though we love each other.. it would never be possible for us to be together.. :(