i'm letting go

it took me this long to have the strength and courage to write this letter.. and i am actually having a very hard time to start it.. but then i have to just for it to end everything and finally let go of all of these.. this is for you and you have to read it.. and also for everyone who is concerned.. well now.. here it goes..

i didn't know how i handled every single thing that you have done to me..

i thought you were my friend but you have betrayed every part of our friendship..

i respected you and i have been good to you.. (that's for all i know..)

but you returned to me pain and shame for myself.. (i don't know if i make sense int this statement..)

while i'm writing this i am a bit nervous because i don't really know how to moderate the things that i would write.. but still i want to pour it all out once and for all..

that day... or shall i say those days that you didn't talk to me and i didn't know why, made me think what have i done to you to deserve that kind of treatment from you.. later on someone told me that it is because i didn't cooperate in the things we have to do.. (you know what i mean.. i don't want to specify things here)..

it was just one mistake i made and you hated me so much after that.. you didn't talk to me and i felt that "gikasabwat pa nimu ang uban"..

please tell me.. what did i do to you to make you hate me this much? to treat me that way? that moment i felt that everybody hated me for something i don't know i did..

all these years i have treated you nothing but a good friend.. i even shared secrets with you.. slept together, i was there when you needed someone to be beside with without any complain and you know that i will do anything i can to help you.. (or maybe you didn't know that because you have hurt me so badly)..

and then i discovered that you said that i was a "mangaagaw".. for some reasons.. i didn't know that when i texted your crush you thought that i was flirting with him and i also liked him.. well guess what.. hell no! i don't like him the way you liked him.. if you want he is all yours! and i never got an interest in him.. i just wanted to be his friend.. and you took it negatively.. was that suppose to be my fault? i think not..

there wasn't a day that i hated you for doing this to me.. and i am not blaming you for anything..
i was just badly hurt for all those things you did to me..

you know what were the things you did..

and i don't have to specify it..

for everybody who is concerned..

to this girl who is my classmate and my co-SPF:
i know you were mad at me.. and i already know the reason.. i thought you were a friend.. but then.. i will not push myself to people who don't like me.. i'm sorry about what happened before.. i still treat you as a friend even if you don't see me that way.. i just hope i knew what made you mad earlier and made things clear before somene gets hurt.. but it's over and i shall move on.. we shall move on..

to my former male boardmate:
i thought you were a good friend.. i know that you knew all of these when i was so naive.. but you didn't tell me.. you kept silent and you never asked me.. you made assumptions and you just let me hurt.. i don't know what to feel for you anymore.. just so you know..

to my best friend:
i forgive you already.. thank you so much for eveyrthing.. and i always pray that we will be just like the friends we were before this tragedy.. i hope you forgive me too for every wrong thing i did to you..


--- i hope you all read this..