I am in pain.
I haven't written anything for the past months and now I am saying that I AM IN PAIN.
Darn toothache. One small thing and it greatly affects my whole disposition today.
For the past months I can say I have been through a lot of pain. Who doesn’t? Right? We all experience different kinds of pain at some point in our lives.
For the past months I can say that I really had a hard time living with the pain I have gone through. It may not like be the kind of pain I was experiencing while I was growing up (which sometimes when I remember I really cry at night), but the pain made me think about a lot of things. The pain made me doubt myself and also made me doubt my faith.
I wasn’t that strong. I held on to nothing. I was floating in some dimension with no faith at all. I was about to give up. I stopped going to church I even stopped praying. I only go to church when my mom would force me to. I look back in my life, and whenever I remember all those painful moments and how it still affects me today, I ask why? Why can’t I move on? And now I am experiencing this new pain how will I move on? People see me happy on the outside but inside sometimes it’s an everyday struggle to move on. On some days, I forget about it and I can say I can truly be happy, but when I remember the pain, I breakdown. Though I have already forgiven those people who have hurt me, I still can’t find myself to forget. And there are these unanswered questions. Why? What have I done wrong? I can’t seem to forget the pain brought by the people I love. I can’t seem to understand how in the world my cherished friends betrayed me at some point. Though I can say that I have moved on but why still it hurts whenever I think of it? Why does it still damn hurt?
Today, I have moved on from the pain I experienced from these past few months. I regained myself and I have my faith back again. But the past pains, I am not so sure. At some point I have realized that maybe I can’t seem to forget about it because it will be a reminder that I have gone through that pain and lived. It will be a reminder that pain is real and it will come back anytime it wants. It will remind me of the friendships lost, all my mistakes, all the people I have hurt and the times I felt alone. It is a constant reminder that I can go through any kind of pain and survive. And that I would like to share. For the past months I wasn’t writing, I realized a lot of things and I intend to share that. (That is if someone is actually reading my blog)
Pain is a constant reminder for all of us. May it be past, present or future pains. Pain is part of who we are. Pain is like happiness or sadness. It is not always there. But I treasure pain. I treasure it like experiences; it gives me realizations and lessons. As a matter of fact sometimes it gives me hope. Because sometimes in pain, you will discover that you will never be alone. And because of that you start to hope. You start to stand up and walk. Pick up the broken pieces of yourself and you find other people picking it up with you. Pain makes you strong when you endure it. And I can say that today I am strong enough to go through another set of painful experiences and live to share my realizations to everyone. Whenever you find yourself giving up just remember all those past pains and think that you did not go through that for nothing. J
