valentine's rush

tomorrow is going to be valentine's day.

yeah. it kinda sucks that i am single this year and i am not looking forward to anything special to happen.

but it's still a very special day.

and this post is not about my dramatic life but about the two people who taught me and showed me that true love and everlasting love is real.

my grandparents.

the picture above was taken on their 65th wedding anniversary last JUNE 2010

they're both 93 years old to date.

they've been together fro 65 years.

gaaaahd! who in the world can live and love the same person for whole 65 years?

their love is amazing and the things they did for us, their children, grandchildren and great grandchildren are all for love.

my mom got separated from her husband, my two cousins annulled their previous marriages because they were battered or something.

my other aunt is now struggling with her marriage after finding out her husband is having an affair with a girl who is younger than me!

but then, after everything i have seen inside my family, i have never stopped believing in love.

that is because every single day since i have started living with my grandparents, i see how love can bind us together.

how their love for each other and for us never tore us apart even if some of us are not physically present here.

maybe some people out there after experiencing a loss and great heart ache, they give up. they stop finding reasons to love. most especially when they have been cheated on or the ones they loved left them.

but for me, i am young and i will never stop finding reasons to love someone.

i understand that it is so hard to move on most especially when you came from a long term relationship.

but life and love doesn't end there.

my grandparents' love for each other weren't always that easy to handle.

i heard my granddad had so many vices before that would include smoking and drinking.

but i have never ever heard, not even once that he cheated on my grandmom.

for 65 years he loved only one woman.

he had eyes only for one woman.

not that they're perfect for each other.

but they find ways to fit themselves for each other.

compromises. as they always say is key to lasting relationships.

i know most of my friends don't see this kind of love in their family since most of them their grandparents are dead or one is dead or their not living with them.

but i grew up seeing this kind of love.

i grew up feeling this kind of love.

it doesn't makes me an expert on love but it's just so amazing how when by just looking at them you will be inspired.

how many people are inspired on the love they have given each other and other people for the past 65 years.

they say nothing lasts forever.

true enough.

but some things doesn't have to last for it to stay.

65 years.

still can't believe it.

they've been together through thick and thin, ups and downs, sickness and in health, rain or shine. for 65 fruitful years.

life is hard. and loving is hard.

but when i see them, i realize, it's not that hard.

we are the ones making it hard.

sometimes when we are not ready for someone to be in our lives we tend to push them away.

sometimes when faced in difficult circumstances we tend to forget that we are not alone.

sometimes we abuse the love and attention given to us thinking that it will never leave us.

most of the time we take the most important people for granted.

loving is easy.

it's just sometimes, we make it hard for one person to love us.

we make it hard for them to understand us.

it's just sometimes, we tend to lose trust in them and in ourselves.

we tend to not see what's in front of us because we always look far away/

it's just sometimes we are too proud to ask for forgiveness and just let things be.

we realize all our mistakes just a little too late.

but i hope it doesn't stop us from finding true love. or from stop looking for love. or stop waiting for it to come.

it will come. we will see it. it will come in many forms. it may be a person, a job, a thing, an ambition, a wish. but it will come.

and that love will grow. and let you grow.

i grew up with so much love in my heart. so much love that i could give to people aside from my family.

my grandparents didn't just love only us. but they opened their doors to a lot of people.

and that's when i realized that it's not just the both of you that should love each other.

you invite many people in your lives to make your love grow (of course don't invite possible 3rd parties)

invite people that could help you in times when both of you are in trouble or under a bad situation.

it's just that not because both of you are in a relationship is that only both of you could work things out.

valentine's day is for lovers.

i get it

but it's also the time when single people get together and have fun on their own. :)

it's also a day to celebrate different kinds of friendship.

and i am so happy i have good friends.

a day to celebrate different kinds of relationship.

it's a day about love.

and it's just normal for us to spread it.

i hope i could inspire hopeless romantics out there by telling how wonderful love can be. as a proof: my grandparents.

happy valentine's day everyone!

♥

xoxo. :)

the end of the line

i know i have been so lovey dovey these past few weeks. but can't help it though. it's love month and i can feel so much for this guy but he just keeps on ignoring me whenever he likes.

and that makes me feel inconsistent too.

right now i am organizing a speech in my head.

my final message for him about all of my feelings.

true, he was the one who confessed to me first about liking me, and wanting me to like him back too. but after liking him, he just disappears and then show up again.

how inconsistent can he get?

but now. i am organizing a speech. and it's really hard to do it in my head so i am doing it here.

and here how my speech goes:

i know i have told you many times that i like you. and this would be the last time i will say this.

i like you but i have noticed that every time i say that you always tell me the exact same words all the time.

like you're not ready.

you have school stuffs to tend to and prioritize.

okay. i get it. i do. and i have been very understanding and very considerate.

but how selfish can you get?

how about me? it doesn't always have to be you.

HOW. ABOUT. ME.

it's not that i want you to be my boyfriend and all.

it's just. i don't see the point of liking you if there's nothing to look forward to.

and you told me to just keep my feelings to myself for the mean time.

fine. i agreed to that. unselfishly.

but for once. just once. can you please consider my feelings too?

you said, go with the flow, but how will i do that if there is no flow to go with to?

crap. don't want to do this anymore.

this is the end.

that's it.

happy love month everyone.

:(

stressed

all these feelings makes me crazy!

i am very inconsistent nowadays and i can't figure myself out.

what do you do when you are stressed? upset? or depressed?

when i'm upset, i don't eat. when i'm upset i become anorexic. i can choose not to eat major meals. when i'm upset i eat almost nothing.

though i feel the hunger, it doesn't bother me at all. since all i can think about is how upset i am.

when i am stressed, i eat a lot of junk food. as in A LOT.

when i am depressed i tend to sleep. A LOT.

i am so messed up right now.

i need distractions.

i can't seem to focus on some things.

but i know if i put y heart to it, i can do this.

but i just need some distractions.

from what? i don't know. from him. from my crappy subject (ES 64).

all i need is a day. all i'm asking is one day. where all i can think of are things like, chocolate, Gossip Girl and other stuffs.

one day where i get not to think of him, not to hear a single love song.

one day without seeing that crappy teacher, that crappy book and notes!

urgh! can't figure out what's wrong with me.

:(

can please someone volunteer to be my distraction?

:)

woke up to love songs

it's FEBRUARY! the love month as they would say.

and how do i feel now that after 2 past valentines i am now a single girl on valentine's day?

i don't feel depressed at all.

though i really want to spend it with someone i really like (which there is someone by the way) maybe i will try to spend it like any ordinary day. like Valentine's never really existed.

but since this is the love month, i am full of love!

not just for myself but maybe also for someone else. and this post may be about him.

but we'll see. :)

last year i have received so many comments in my valentine's day post.

i wonder why. hahahah! mostly from people from other countries. i had to use a translator to read what they were saying.

but here's the thing, last year was nice. i got to spend valentine's with both my family and my special someone.

this year, the day before valentine's is going to be my granddad's 93rd birthday and i promised my mom that i would go home.

but i have to go back here in the city early morning the next day since i have classes.

but still, at least i get to spend it with the people i love.

i just hope i get to spend it with him.

i know, it's only been more than a month after my break up, but like what i said before, i had to move on and i am moving on.

and now he comes in.

he isn't the most charming person i know but he certainly makes me laugh.

he isn't the smartest guy i have ever met but he is witty and all.

he isn't the most romantic guy i have been with but he makes me feel wanted every time we are together.

he is a guy i can't have right now.

he's not ready.

and i think i am not ready too.

i don't even know if i already love him.

even though i have given so much love from my past relationship, i still have so much love to give to this guy.

but he is still not ready.

or should i say, he sees being in a relationship time consuming.

can't blame him though since he has struggles when it comes to his academics.

while i admire his strong sense of having priorities, i wonder if he even still feels the same way about me.

he told me he liked me and that when he graduates (that would be at least 2 years from now) he would really court me and that would be the only time he will ever be ready to be in a relationship.

i wanted to much to change that. :(

but what can i do?

i can't talk to him in public since he is friends with my ex, and i only chat with him on facebook every time i am online.

though we don't usually talk about mushy stuffs, i still feel "kilig":)

i haven't felt like this in a loooong time.

and i like the thrill and i like the feeling of being inspired.

just wanted him to know that every time i hear a love song, i think of him.

and every time i play Bruno Mars' song Just the Way you are, i feel so thankful that he dedicates that song to me. :)

and that's what i get when i wake up to love songs playing on the radio.

hahaha!

♥ is truly in the air! in many forms and in many types.

hope this won't be the end of feeling te love this month!

xoxo ♥